Facebook Is Key Definer Of Modern Relationships

Ever since people my age started getting crushes on each other I've been asked rather frequently by adults "what exactly does it mean these days to 'go out' with someone?" I have never been able to give a straight answer to this question, but nowadays the primary question many of the girls I know consider when evaluating their relationship with guys is "what would my Relationship Status be on Facebook?"

The options to choose from define how people label their relationships, and often force couples to have conversations they perhaps wouldn't otherwise have if they didn't have to announce the state of their relationship to the world. The moment each person is listed as "in a relationship" with the other and that little heart pops up on the newsfeed, it's official; the two are in a relationship, for what it's worth. But what about all of the other situations where it isn't such a black-and-white case? What exactly are the rules for classifying it as "in an open relationship?" And what the hell does it mean when the status reads "it's complicated?" Then, of course, there's the ever-mystifying decision to remove one's relationship status from their profile altogether; what are they trying to hide?

Also, since our relationship statuses have never been so public before, cheating, especially unintentional cheating, has completely changed. Yes, it does nothing for the world of one-night-stand-cheating, but when it comes to carrying on full-blown affairs it's a lot harder to pull off (assuming that the other person doesn't know the guy is already in a relationship, and that all three parties are on Facebook in the first place). Also, evidence of those one-night-stands run the risk of being uploaded by an oblivious party. In general, a Facebook status is the dating version of a wedding ring. As my roommate put it, "yeah, I like having it say I'm 'in a relationship' for my own satisfaction, but it also serves as a message for any other girls who may be interested in him, something like 'back off my man, bitch."

Facebook is now also a primary source of flirtation. "Friending" someone is the first, and safest, way into starting to let someone know that you're interested. And once your foot's through the door, the site is rife with opportunities to flirt: wall posts, picture comments, bumper stickers, gifts, private messages, seeing what events they'll be attending, lists of interests to bring up in conversation, access to screennames, email addresses and even phone numbers. Never before has there been an arena with so much access to information and opportunity to get to know a potential date. No longer do you have to have the balls to ask someone out to their face or risk rejection in person, but you can subtly (or not so subtly) make your move with the comfort of hiding behind your online persona.

There is also a downside to the Facebook generation, which is that the stalker-like capabilities of its users heightens general suspicions and insecurities of people who are either already in a relationship or are trying hard to be in one. As was already said, a person's whole world is at your fingertips to painfully scrutinize and attempt to interpret. Are those posts from other girls platonically friendly or flirtatious? What did he write on her wall to make her respond like that? Is she giving him the eye in that photo or does it just look that way? Why are they standing so close? Who is that girl with the slutty profile picture that he just became friends with? Why are they friends now? Who friended who? Then, of course, there are the messages, which are always out of our reach, potentially packed with terrible secrets. It used to be that we were filled with anxiety because we didn't know anything about the lives our partners led outside of our relationship, and now we know practically everything all in one page.

Everything about dating in the modern world is centered around Facebook. Whether you're trying to meet new people, evaluating where you stand with a potential partner, or dealing with maintaing a relationship, the intricacies of Facebook can make or break your relationships; past, present or future.